you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
