I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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