we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
