you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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