Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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