I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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