Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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