at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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