It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
