if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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