I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize