And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
