we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
