apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
