I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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