My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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