Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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