I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
