There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
