Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dear god my vagina.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
