Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
