i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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