my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
