lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
even my farts smell like vagina
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
