If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
