fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
