areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
