Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone shit on the floor
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
