Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
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It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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