and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
