our cab driver is having phone sex.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
