I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
