awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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