Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
