there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
