you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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