he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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