I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think i got beer on your cat.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
