Sober January is a disaster.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
