mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
