told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
