in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
