nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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