When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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