i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
