Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
