so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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