I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
