dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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