I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
