Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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