just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
