he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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