Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
