We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
