im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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