Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
