I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
